The art of saying NO.

 This is a very interesting topic. When I started to work, I am without any good certification except an average grade in SPM. For those who are not familiar with Malaysia’s education during my era let me give you a brief on this. It is compulsory for all children of age 7 to start education for six years primary and five years secondary. We complete our education at the age of 17 years old. After that some will leave for overseas to further their study while others will stay back in the local university. It was a costly expenditure for most family at that time. The last year which is also the Form Five year, it is compulsory to sit for a life time opportunity exam namely SPM. If you score then maybe you can get scholarship from private firm or our government.

I was an average student and have never really known the reason to study hard. Working seems to be the only alternative I have. I have made a vow that I will not use any money from my family when I graduated at the age of 17 years old. I have kept that promise till now and maybe because of that I never say NO to opportunity to work. I will do any job as long as it is legal and will give me a chance to grow.  Without a solid education background, I have limited choices. The only choice I have is keep saying yes to all the work which I do not enjoy but can help me to survive. I even worked over time to get extra money even if it is just a little extra. Thankfully I was energetic and healthy which bosses like because I never take Medical Leave. I took the advantage to say YES to any task that is new to me or in any area within my job scope. It helped me in getting the knowledge I wanted and the promotion I needed. My gratitude to all those who have given me guidance and patient in teaching me.

My first breakthrough came when I was employed by Ramada Renaissance Melaka. The first five-star hotel then. I was employed as a waitress and was extremely lucky that on the first day of work, I was “promoted” to Front Office Cashier. From there, I learned everything I could again by saying yes to all opportunities. The management of the hotel is extremely generous, they will always pay me over time for doing the extra work. Within a short span of time, I learned enough to be promoted to Chief cashier at the age of 19.  I have been informed by my ex-colleague that I remain the youngest chief cashier they have. I stand to be corrected because the hotel wind down business during the pandemic. Such a beautiful place with beautiful team. So sad to know but I am blessed to have a part of them with me in my memory.

Now after my story, you must be thinking what is this link between the story and the topic. I was battling with the same question on how to say NO when I have been saying YES, all this time.  I was addressing a conversation with someone on this topic. It prompted me to rethink about what and when to say YES to something should be NO to another. As you might know now, I gain all my experience through working hard and saying YES to tasks that seems impossible to me but it is all towards the development of my department and my job. Therefore, it is the right thing to do and appropriate action in this matter.

Most probably this is the reason many people do not know how to say NO. They might think that by saying NO is not expected and they lost the chance to grow. However, if the request is taking up your time and you failed to complete your goals then saying NO is the only way to survive. Business is always business, if you go out of your way to help someone without paying attention to the task in hand, this is irresponsible act. Your act of compassion might also be creating trouble for your career. Think about this.

There are a few types of people who likes to ask for help and I just use a few I know. I learned to say NO to these categories of people and I find that by saying NO, I am saying YES to many outcomes.

1.     People who do not know what they are doing.My answer of NO is usually accompanied by a suggestion or a recommendation for them to search for answer. I will keep a look out for their next question because they are asking for clarity instead of just finishing a task.

2.    People who are lazy.I have to evaluate this kind of person for at least three times because I say NO. This is to give them a chance to learn that nobody is at their disposal. The rest is up to them to decide or look for another victim.

3.    People who are bossy. At my present position, I can just say NO right? But it is good to keep a relationship with this kind of character because they made me see who I do not want to be. I will be very innovative in my NO and yet the friendship remains mutual. This is where the art of communication will slide in.

Let’s have some thoughts going here. What kind of situation will you address and how do your maneuvers yourself out of the sticky situation when you need to say NO but still respected by this answer?