Birth and death - It should comes with blessings. Not Grief.

 There were times that you feel absolutely useless and demotivated. Some people managed to dig out of that with pure determination and pray that they are not hit with another blow within that short period. 

As the cycle of life continues, nobody can stop the events from happening. Be it death or birth. Be it sad or happy. Be it failure or success. The list goes on. The one confirm thing is that when one is born, death is waiting. Do you want to prolong the death or do you want to proceed with living with the knowledge that you will die one of this day?

Based on your observations, who suffer most when the loved one passed away? Take some time to look into this.

I just lost a friend of a close friend. She was not in any way sick but the moment she was hospitalized she was diagnosed with cancer that spread from organs to the brain, she just left the world within days. What causes this to happen? Is it good that she did not need to go through the suffering of treatment and the cost of treatment?

Nobody chooses to be in the situation of grief but it is something that we need to address. 

If the death is unexpected like an accident or the person just well and dandy then the next it's gone. This will normally cause an intensity of feeling loss. Grief will be the response you see in the family and friends.

Modified from Worden, 2009; positivepsychology.com  , the following perceptual experiences, and physical sensations often accompany the grieving processes.

🔮Hollowness in the stomach - a sense of emptiness

🔮Tightness in the throat and chest-look out for those who are having some health conditions.

🔮Being oversensitive to noise- silence is preferred at this moment.

🔮Feelings of unreality-unacceptable to a certain level

🔮Shortness of breath

🔮Muscle weakness and lack of energy - this is why a lot of people might faint

🔮dry mouth

The strong emotions that typically accompany this situation are (modified from Worden, 2009; positivepsycology.com

💔Sadness -unable to accept that death is a fact that caused one to suffer longer.

💔Anger - the dissatisfaction that arises from nowhere that burst into anger of the death.

💔Guilt and self-reproach - many people keep delaying meeting each other until it is too late. Many people left words unsaid until it is too late. When the opportunity is gone with the death, this can cause trauma to one.

💔Anxiety - The sudden emptiness that arises with the passing on of the loved one might cause the living to be lost about what to do. This will then form into anxiety especially when the person who passed away is the stronghold of a family/company/community.

💔Loneliness - this is evident when the relationship between the dead and living is very close-knitted. The one living will feel very rejected to be left behind. Social support is needed at all times until the situation becomes a new normal for the living.

💔Fatigue - The living that is involved might find it exhausting to address the day-to-day life alone. 

💔Helplessness - this can happen as if the carpet is pulled under their feet. They lost all the ability to be in control. This kind of situation is also happening when children left their parents to fend for themselves or vice versa. This is the death of a relationship. 

💔Shock and numbness - this is the normal reaction when it is unexpected. It does not mean that we do not think it is not possible, it is just that nobody can see it happening and it happened. In some cases, the numbness caused the survivor to lose all emotions. It is such a traumatic experience for the survivor too.

💔Yearning - this kind of emotion will keep surfacing whenever the dead are mentioned. It will cure over time depending on the bond of all parties.

💔Emancipation and relief - This is the feeling that I always see in families of those who have been suffering tremendously during their life. They are not relieved because of the death but it is because it ends all the sufferings. This is where peace starts to take place.

How one address grief is different due to the situation presented also might be different. If the grief prolongs then it is time to seek treatment.

I will continue with type of grief in a few days time. For the time being, take time to understand that death will come. Learn how to live life to the fullest so that when death reaches out, it becomes a blessings that we completed our mission on earth and living as human beings.

                                                                     

    Pyace - Pace Your ACE (Accelerate Champion Excellence)

Peggy Ang - Personal Breakthrough Coach

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