Are other people your mirror?

When the day of #Everything, Everywhere all At Once burst into the screen with the Michelle Yeoh wining the Best Actress Oscar Award. 

Many of us have done a lot of things or so we thought that can "Hope" to bring to where we want to be. In other words, we think that by being just that we can be successful. Well! some of us do while others are always left in the disappointing situation.  Then they will blame the stars and the moon or anything that crosses their path. 

The common sentences you heard only whenever something went wrong and its always other people faults. Amazing right? Now, one question for you. Where are you in the entire situation? What is your role in this whole scene? What is the different if you have view it to be something of a learning?

Like my two experiences during my breakfast time a few weeks ago. I saw a couple with two kids and the parents diligently taking extra care of their children at the corner of my eyes.  Lie an AI , the parents is a perfect fit because they did everything possibly they can to ensure the children comfort. The comfort in the individual domain. The SOP is, the  father taking of the eldest son and the mother taking care of the youngest son. The breakfast conversation between the order taker is 10 times more than the conversation between both the parents. The only time they speak to each other is when the wife asked for the key to the car. No thank you, not even a word of "please give me the car key" , it just "Key". The children are not chit chatting with each other either. They gave me a feeling of AI managing home. The children are given the handphone to watch their own favorite program. What happened to sharing? What happened to common interest as a family? What happened to the curtesy between husband and wife. What will this show to the children? Children are the beauty of the world. They pick up things and just adapt it because they do not know what is needed except that they trust their parents. .

 As I walk out of that shop, another family sitting right beside the entrance and there are three of them. The husband and wife with a kid. They were all fire up with excitement about a normal conversation. The kid also participates by being attentive to her parent's conversation and you can feel the warm that radiate from that union.

What is it that you see that can make any difference to you? 

The statement that people close to you is your own mirror. Actually, it is perfectly accurate to say you are the product of environment, what you see is what you are. Take some time to evaluate this statement and then think where it hits you. If you hate, then hate will follow you. If you love, love will follow you.  It does not hurt to be nice because it will come back to you. What is the lesson here then? I am also learning from this experience even though my kid is already a lady.  

What did you learn here?

As for me, I will suggest that parents learn first to be human before being parents. Parents should give their children the joy of being children. Does this make sense to you? If not, share your experiences.

Focus

 A simple word which is mouthed by many people. It sounded easy. It is indeed easy too if you understand the real purpose of this word.

When the pandemic struck mother earth and humanity, the majority of people were having a mental diarrhea. Some went into depression and the hardworking ones found innovation as solutions. People started to pivot to digital everything while others keep believing that this is just a horror story. While many is sitting on a situation of belief. They believe that this is just a phase which will recovers life Sars, War etc. They refused to accept that the impact is real. After more than two years, those people are stuck while others move ahead steadily.

You saw who is the winner now? Most of us realize that we cannot wait for miracle but make miracle happen. Those who worked harder, stay innovative and keep adjusting are the ones that are rising in their developments. This is an article I plucked during my search for millionaires and see what I found.

World gained 5.2m millionaires last year in Covid crisis – this news was in June 2021. Now the number is increasing faster than you can count 1,2,3.https://www.theguardian.com/news/2021/jun/22/world-has-gained-52m-new-millionaires-in-covid-crisis-report

For those who are associating closely with the yoyo situation and the aftermath of the pandemic, you will definitely find it interesting. You want the good news? The good news is you can be the next millionaires too.

Therefore, what did these successful people do? They obviously are doing things that they have full concentration on. It means they seek clarity, focus and act. Then you might say "Well! I did this but why am I still struggling?". From my experiences with hundreds of zoom courses, one thing for sure is that the new normal will keep being new. Change is constant change.

The solution is always out there in the market. The only obstacle is the decision maker. Some are innocently thinking that not changing is going to benefit them. Well! In some cases, it is true but at this point of writing, I cannot think of one industry that can remain untouched. Can you? Please share.

Others will be chasing after change without knowing what they are changing for except "People change, so I must change" kind of attitude.

Looking back on these kinds of situations, what do you think is the best solution? What exactly is the reason for people to lose focus in life?

As for me, I spend a lot of time evaluating situations. Select and change. This is an ongoing process. I believe many people like me who think they can do a lot of things within a short time when we can expertly handle all the new innovation. However, this is very far from the truth. Many people get entangled inside social media and lose the little achievement that they gain because they lose out on their purpose in doing so.

Do not fret. The success belongs to those who keep learning from their mistakes and keep changing towards a focus direction. Are you one of them?

One question that I encourage you to think about at all times is "What will keep you locked into that direction of success?". If you do not know the answer then I encourage you to look for coaching services. Look for one person who look into your heart and tell you what you are seeing.

The best thing that ever happen is that you have everything if you know how to use your anything.

Good luck.

Because You Can.

  You must be wondering what is the reason for people not to have consistency?

Yes, this is also my question to myself.

When I started to write on my blog, I was greedy enough to think that I can do everything everywhere all at once.  You got it right? 

Then my journey begins. I was in search of something bigger than me outside of me. I spend years thinking that if I study enough, research extensively and then do all I can then I will see what I want. Do you think so?

Every lesson that I took is painstakingly building up in many ways from Grammar to Metaphysic and then back to basic and I thought I have finally found the answer to what I want in life.

Let me share or in other words reshare my story with you.

I always feel that I am not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough or worst not clean enough. What is the reason for this? It is because at the age of around 8, I was sexually abused by a relative. He is a giant of a man, and I am just a tiny little girl without anyone protecting me. My parents have left for Singapore with my brother, and I am all alone with my nanny and her husband. Both of them treat me with so much care but what can they do because they need to take care of me. I do not know what the arrangement between my parents and them is. At a time where no ewallet or ebanking or any of the kind, money transfer can only happen when my parents come back. In my sea of memory, they never seem to be appearing during that few years. Girls they are to be seen and not to be heard. If anything went wrong, it is always the girl's fault. Do I know that it is?  Honestly, I really don't know what it is except that it is not the right thing to happen. Can I avoid it from happening? I really don't know the answer because at that age, nobody is there to support or educate me. I just grow like the wild grass. What is life? I guess living in a slump without knowledge of right or wrong, sleeping and having food is the only thing in one's mind. I am like that. I was relieved when he was caught by the police. Now, if I do not know what it is at least I know I have been living in fear of his touch and gruesome overbearing existence.

Who will listen to me. Who will understand this. Who is there for me to share this. It never happened except that I feel really dirty and unfit to be in anyone's life as a wife or as a mother. 

How I pull myself out of this? I am not really sure, but I know my life can be better. Therefore, I make a vow to myself that by the age of 18 years old, I will never ever take anything from my parents. Do they know it? I only told my mom recently. Do I blame them? YES. I used to blame them for many years, but I keep being the filial piety daughter because I thought that if I can give them everything they wanted, I will have more love. Do you know what, I was wrong. Love does not come from outside. Love has to start from inside. 

Then I started to build my own life around love. The love of knowing what happened already happened. My parents, like most parents do everything they can with the resources that they have for their family. Forgiveness is also something I learn to do. I forgive myself for not knowing what people think I should know. For not realizing life is full of challenges. For bashing myself up to get recognition and for many more of other things that happened. 

I am glad that I realized it now and life begin to bring more meaning to me and my family. I want to reach out to people who are in their doubts about what is life. I want to reach out to people who believe they can. I want to see that each one have a chance to do something for themselves before they give up. 

Be the BRAVE one. Take action and love yourself. There is always a choice in everything.

Good luck

posted on 14Mar 2023 1505hrs

Reflections of your life.

Reflections of your life !

In this case, I am doing this reflections so that you can start your engine into doing yours.

How often do you do this? I came across this method of clearing my days about a few years ago. Why I do not remember when? This is what happened, I clear off my mind from needing to put a date for change. I just reflect on every situation after it happened. This way, things are easier to managed and painful experience become a learning.

Being human do not give me an excuse to forgive myself whenever I took any comments negatively. Our subconscious mind has a super powerful tool assisted by the monkey mind. I have been living in this for so long that some of them I took it in as a habit. The not so good examples as below:-

1. “What they think of me when I do this and not that?

2. “The situation is all their fault(s)”

3. “If I have ……...”

Do you agree with me that these are all in the past? Whether it is good or bad, it is done with and should be deal immediately before it become a sickness.

Actually, changing one habit at a time is pretty easy. I started with giving myself a chance to debate the situation and what solutions is possible. Remember, each decision must be supported with and action and the consequences of it.

After this, I move on to change my daily habits. The moment I open my eyes, I say my gratitude loudly that I work up healthy and the world have healthier people too. I decided there and then that my day is going to fill with possibility. Possibility can come in any form. Bad or good, I will turn it into a solution. This somehow turn my sight towards a lot of beauty no matter how bad the situation is until one time I was called as ignorant. Ouch!! That hurts but instead of responding, I have this sense of regret that it is such a pity some people still live in pain and forgot that life is full of beauty. At that same moment, I was also thinking “ If I am like him then there are no changes at all in habits.” . This thought immediately make me bounce back to my purpose in life. That to live in abundance, I help people to offload their garbage and still stay clean. This is also what cause me to love coaching so passionately. Address everything individual and do not carry other people’s monkey. Am I good at this? I can definitely say yes if the participants/coachee are as committed to their life as I am to mine. Coaching does not need much. It just needs one clarity that you want to find out how to better yourself. Simple right? No, it is very difficult even for me when I started. But as the journey goes on each steps become lighter and each action become value.

Lastly, what trigger me to write this today after a long spell of silent?

1. I thought that my English grammar is not fluent enough to capture attention of my writing. I learned all my English from reading and conversing. I do not come from any school that is conducted in English. I write the way I think. There were comments or even no comments but silent support. But what the heck, most people understand and send me messages to continue. It is the one that understand the situation matters. Thank you for being here for me. You matter.

2. Chinese New Year is the biggest and most important festival for me. I took time off to be myself enjoying the time with the cultural practices and in some way, I took a lazy leave off for myself.

3. Law of attraction is very strong. I used all my concentration to ensure that my trip is successful with smooth processes in helping my mother to collect her medication. As I was driving to @Hospital Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (HUKM) where parking is impossible since I was running late, I imagine a carpark (next to the main one) is empty and visualized my car is the only one. It works, the car park was empty. Cool right? Wrong, my visualization missed out one point. That the car park is still open. It was empty because they have closed that car park. This makes me realize how much I can do when I concentrate and sincerely feel that moment.

4. My past – another incident after this HUKM visit. After I parked my car, I noticed that the car next to me is way too near me and there is one guy inside the car. So, I tapped on his car and asked whether it is possible for him to get out from his car. Pity that he opens up the car and rudely ask “ Do you think I can do out?”. I apologize and immediately remove my car and found another space immediately. The fire of anger nearly spoils my day but I decided to change it into compassion. I feel pity that some people do not know how to be polite. This is also why bully happened. Too much pain in one’s mind. I just smile and happy that I am not him. Then I send him a virtual blessing that he will have good moments after that.

Does this mean that I am fully saint? It will be a joke of the century if I am one. I still have to keep learning how to make each situation acceptable so that the energy for solutions become clearer.

I do not strive on perfection because I learn from every imperfection that I have. Without seeing the black, white does not matter.

How do you deal with your reflections? Does it always give you something ? If yes, what is the something that you are looking for?

Till my next article, stay with yourself no matter how life treats you. How you treat yourself is the only solutions that matters.

#Cloudstory my every day inspiration. I am amazed on how different they can be even in just few colors within second apart. Then I learned from them that the colors are how I decide to look at them at that moment. You want to give it a try? It is indeed enlightening.

What is your success?

 

I have been attending so many courses that I thought I know everything. The best part of this is, I really do not know what I thought I know. Do I consider myself successful? What is your thought on this?

 

I certainly discover that in life, there are many ways to a solution. I have written an article about my friend’s fear of attending a dinner with me. I repented and the surprising part of it is he see the values of my unintentional response. Do I expect this? No. But I have been using coaching methods on many occasions and this jab just came spontaneously. Hey! I am only human. Anyway, the good news is that he did join us for the dinner and was pretty happy too. In fact, he was so relaxing  in that environment.  In these circumstances, I consider myself failed in addressing the spur of the moment response which might be rude or hurtful. On the other hand, my friend gain insight of life in pandemic is living the fear out. Or should I said he decided to leave the fear out when he already practicing all the needed SOP. The bonus of this outcome is we had a wonderful dinner out.

 

Ever since the coaching started, I am fully concentrated on creating this coaching culture. In many of my conversation, the methods of addressing an issue have been diverted to coaching methods. On certain occasions I can see the fear leaping from the cornea of their eyes. It is really scary but I know it makes them think very hard on what just happened. I can see them fidgeting with themselves – unconsciously. Others will be having anger thrown at me. All of this, I take it as a reward. What makes me say this? It means that I am hitting a cord. A cord they do not want to strum.

 

Now, take a moment and think. If you have someone who push you to be yourself, what will your response be? Some people will think that I am nuts to care so much with what they do because it is their life that they are playing with. As for me, I will pursue this because everyone has a network of people. The more they ignore their issues the more toxic their life will be. I am more concerned of the chain reaction by the said person. Each one can be of some values to others and that is what I am doing passionately when I coach. We need our environment to be peaceful and harmony. Only when this happen, the world will be a better place for the next generation and so on.

 

I also have my own selfish reason for doing this. I have a lovely daughter who turn 21 this year. I hope to see that she lives in an environment of challenges where coaching culture is the solution. I know that this is the best method for anyone to create a life building their passion. They will be able to explore with clarity and accept failure bravely. Simple request from a mother and a small act from me. I am passionate on coaching because I keep improving myself. By getting these values, I know I can help more people to achieve things that is beyond their reach. One very important ingredient is to find the one who really committed to themselves.

 

Are you one of those who knows your success factor(s) and are riding the storm to get it?

If not, there is always solutions when you see a problem. This is what my clients inform me. After his second coaching session with me, he told me that he loves problems. What makes him say this? He said that he knows that he will be able to get solution(s). It is such a wonderful feeling to see the wisdom shine through.

 

You too can have these. When you are ready , look for me or a coach who can walk with you on your journey through coaching conversation.

Action or reaction?

 

Action or reaction?

 I was pondering on what can I write about today. I did not continue to write because I was busy with personal activities that needs constant traveling. An excuse which does not make sense but with so much floating in my mind, I guess it is time to pen it down.

 

The topic today is Action or reaction. I find this interesting because there are so many ways to see this. In the dictionary.com there are so many explanations which intrigue me. Now, this is one I like most because it relates to what I want to share today.

 

Action is an act that one consciously wills and that may be characterized by physical or mention activities.

Reaction is a reverse movement or tendency: an action in a reverse direction or manner.

 

Based on this, it means that one is using the thought thinking process while the other is a spontaneous act. Which is more useful when you are making a big decision? Some will say Action while others might choose Reaction. Is that all? No, there will be more people with different outlook of these two words. This is also some of the reasons dictionary gives you a few explanations.

 

I will see it from my point of view and what I have done to arrive at whatever decisions I made.

 

Action story, I was walking with a friend and invited him for a dinner. Being me, I am a diehard of uncertainty and challenges. I will go to the deep end search of solutions. Did I get them? Not always but there are always new lessons from every search.  So, this dinner is done with strict SOP as per requirements because I have my DOM (Dear Ole Mom) with me and I am an obedient citizen too. The point of this is that he immediately goes into FOD (Fear of Dying) and FTL(Forgot to live) which irritate me. Remember, I am a human so I have reacted spontaneously by saying if you fear so much then don’t join us – this is reaction.  Cruel right? I think so too and now I am repenting even though he deserves it. It is not about him or others, it is all about me. How I react is very important and constant coaching needs to be address because of one very important entity – WE ARE HUMAN. This is also the beautiful part – that we can reach our highest potential when we act with clarity.

 

There is no right or wrong, I should be respectful of the fear and leave him to live it out since he is not coachable. I should accept the fact that not everyone is coachable unless they are ready. I have done many failed coaching just because on the passion to coach but the participants/clients are not serious about their life or they just want to test the coaching process. I have many successful coaching sessions too. When I compare the success factors, I realized that action and reaction play a major role in many of the issues faced by my participants. Some took action to be coach but not committed to themselves. Therefore, I will categorize them as reaction to coach because they think coaching can give them the miracle they wanted. They hope you can help them to reverse their life into a fairy tale without turbulence. It is painful to see this kind of thinking because coaches, most of them can see the potential of their clients clearly when the clients are transparent and honest. The successful one takes full responsibility of their decisions and take action. They will find ways to pave it towards their goal with coaching conversation. What coaches open up are the unspoken , unseen and unheard voices of the participants. It is an intimate conversation  relationship which creates the following situations .

1.      What happened just now?

2.      How come I did not see it?

3.      What can I do about it?

 

Opening the doors in the world of monkey mind is tough but always possible. Take action and do not rely on reaction to gain control of your act. The act to show the world , to show yourself that you can create values.

 

Look for a good coach and you will know what I mean.

 

For my profile, you can see me at www.3secsoulution.com

 

Wrong or right?

Life presents itself to us without expectation. Humans are the one that put layers after layers of philosophy to prove that they are right.

In the world of intellectuals, to be seen as uneducated is viewed as an embarrassment. If you are having this kind of thoughts then it is time to discard it. You will only be learning more when you are looking at something you do not know and clearly admit it. After a while, it becomes a habit I call learning.

Many disagreements arise from just this simple situation. What makes me say this? Well! If you have read my posting or articles, you would understand that I do not post things that I have not experienced before. I used to have such a big ego that to be right is the only way towards success. Gradually, I learned to accept that my right is just one very small segment of the whole situation. It is more of an ego boosting process which has no lasting effect or the hand me down education that I have - The boss is always right. Now that I have let go of this BS, I can see things clearer and learning is the key towards everything. And when I started coaching, I began to see clearly what are the issues behind many people's fears of success. YES, many people fear success no matter how much they wanted it. Weird right? But it is the truth. Fake it till you make it was a phrase many people used as a motivation. Some are really making it happen because they did not fake it, they really believe that they can do it. Are they wrong to use this method? If yes, who are you to tell a person what journey should be the right journey for him or her. Sometimes, you do not even know whether you are on the right path or not. At least, when you are on it you think you are right on tract but.... Just be aware that situation within your environment not necessary within your control. Then you can re-bounce back even when you lose control. You will only see it when it is being done and the result is out. It's like the Covid 19 PCR test, of late there are reports saying that it does not really give a clear answer as a person has contracted Covid 19 or it is just a normal flu. This tell you how much guess work is going on in our daily life even with proven scientific support. The co-relation between time and result will definitely give one something to ponder on.

Same thing goes for the Myejahtera apps questions which I find that it is really a very tough question to answer. Those symptoms given are so common within our life especially when our bones are cracking as we age. Therefore, are they wrong? Think about it when you update the status. I was having a huge problem answering them because of jet lag and some of the symptoms are due to other reasons.

Did any of you come across the two images that I shared? There was endless debate on who is right. But in the end, is there really an answer? Think how you apply this concept to your life. How can you decide whether you have fully embraced the life given to you in the highest capacity and glow every moment of the day?

Last but not least, I will like to encourage everyone to write an article. Just forget about perfection. Do it and you will see what I mean.

p/s You is just a phrase used to state a point and not an accusation to anyone