There is always a story to tell.

 Have you ever come across an incident that you could not get over the fact that someone can do it better than you? Now be honest. I do. That was when I acted as all humans do. Now I paused a while and then shifted my view from why to what. Yes. Seek my monkey mind and then process it to the situation. Every conversation always comes clean to deliver a message or share an idea. Simple right? Now, what makes it into an argument or disagreement?

There are an estimated 60,000-80,000 thoughts per day. Wow!!! We are all such impressive machines. But how many people put those ideas into action and how many people The monkey mind silencer is what everyone can have. Therefore, what makes it so difficult to do so. I know it is something the owner of the thoughts can take control of because I have tested this. Am I perfect then? My kakak (sister) shared an article The Leaking bucket which I reflected that I am not perfect. I must also change so that the whole environment change. This process will need to break a lot of habits and beliefs. And I have started. Tame my monkey mind have made me see my fault clearer and save myself about 50,000 useless thoughts and empower my energy to useful thoughts. Build my persona confidently.

How I do it? In getting clarity that I need someone to share my ideas with pop up frequently as I dive deeper into internal solution. I need someone who I trusted and listen without judgement. Initially, I engaged a coach for this tame my monkey mind process. Then I started to coach which allow me to concentrate on my participants with full anticipation due to my experience. This process not only help my participant in finding clarity, it did not give me time to procrastinate. IAC 9 Masteries have a series of questioning that as a coach I have to utilize. From a participant (coachee), the journey can only grow to be more effective. In helping others to discover their goals in taming the monkey mind, I also help them to empower themselves coachee/participants and have less time for myself. 

My passion now is concentrated towards helping students and graduate by coaching them to address the issue of taming the monkey mind. The next is helping them to discover their pure value and achieve their goal in the career path. 

Want to share your story with me? Many people will not know how to deal with the reality as culture face rejection as failure. Let's change the culture together and let you tell your story with confident. Be the person that you wanted to be when you leave school and meet the world with full confidence and dreams. You should never lick your wound alone. I have done that so I am here for you.

The art of saying NO.

 This is a very interesting topic. When I started to work, I am without any good certification except an average grade in SPM. For those who are not familiar with Malaysia’s education during my era let me give you a brief on this. It is compulsory for all children of age 7 to start education for six years primary and five years secondary. We complete our education at the age of 17 years old. After that some will leave for overseas to further their study while others will stay back in the local university. It was a costly expenditure for most family at that time. The last year which is also the Form Five year, it is compulsory to sit for a life time opportunity exam namely SPM. If you score then maybe you can get scholarship from private firm or our government.

I was an average student and have never really known the reason to study hard. Working seems to be the only alternative I have. I have made a vow that I will not use any money from my family when I graduated at the age of 17 years old. I have kept that promise till now and maybe because of that I never say NO to opportunity to work. I will do any job as long as it is legal and will give me a chance to grow.  Without a solid education background, I have limited choices. The only choice I have is keep saying yes to all the work which I do not enjoy but can help me to survive. I even worked over time to get extra money even if it is just a little extra. Thankfully I was energetic and healthy which bosses like because I never take Medical Leave. I took the advantage to say YES to any task that is new to me or in any area within my job scope. It helped me in getting the knowledge I wanted and the promotion I needed. My gratitude to all those who have given me guidance and patient in teaching me.

My first breakthrough came when I was employed by Ramada Renaissance Melaka. The first five-star hotel then. I was employed as a waitress and was extremely lucky that on the first day of work, I was “promoted” to Front Office Cashier. From there, I learned everything I could again by saying yes to all opportunities. The management of the hotel is extremely generous, they will always pay me over time for doing the extra work. Within a short span of time, I learned enough to be promoted to Chief cashier at the age of 19.  I have been informed by my ex-colleague that I remain the youngest chief cashier they have. I stand to be corrected because the hotel wind down business during the pandemic. Such a beautiful place with beautiful team. So sad to know but I am blessed to have a part of them with me in my memory.

Now after my story, you must be thinking what is this link between the story and the topic. I was battling with the same question on how to say NO when I have been saying YES, all this time.  I was addressing a conversation with someone on this topic. It prompted me to rethink about what and when to say YES to something should be NO to another. As you might know now, I gain all my experience through working hard and saying YES to tasks that seems impossible to me but it is all towards the development of my department and my job. Therefore, it is the right thing to do and appropriate action in this matter.

Most probably this is the reason many people do not know how to say NO. They might think that by saying NO is not expected and they lost the chance to grow. However, if the request is taking up your time and you failed to complete your goals then saying NO is the only way to survive. Business is always business, if you go out of your way to help someone without paying attention to the task in hand, this is irresponsible act. Your act of compassion might also be creating trouble for your career. Think about this.

There are a few types of people who likes to ask for help and I just use a few I know. I learned to say NO to these categories of people and I find that by saying NO, I am saying YES to many outcomes.

1.     People who do not know what they are doing.My answer of NO is usually accompanied by a suggestion or a recommendation for them to search for answer. I will keep a look out for their next question because they are asking for clarity instead of just finishing a task.

2.    People who are lazy.I have to evaluate this kind of person for at least three times because I say NO. This is to give them a chance to learn that nobody is at their disposal. The rest is up to them to decide or look for another victim.

3.    People who are bossy. At my present position, I can just say NO right? But it is good to keep a relationship with this kind of character because they made me see who I do not want to be. I will be very innovative in my NO and yet the friendship remains mutual. This is where the art of communication will slide in.

Let’s have some thoughts going here. What kind of situation will you address and how do your maneuvers yourself out of the sticky situation when you need to say NO but still respected by this answer? 

Mindset Beauty

 When I first arrived in Groningen for spending valuable time with my daughter, I did not have any expectation. I learned through self coaching, acceptance of the moment is the most valuable assets I have. Everything becomes a new experience.

Departure gate in KLIA was such a sorry situation. A beautiful gigantic peaceful airport suddenly become a grave yard of emotion. To add damage to situation, my departure time is midnight which added the sense of nostalgia seeing this beauty turns into such a painful for experience. Everything is closed and I kept wondering when our glory will come back. When will people start to travel and start to invest in Malaysia? I hope there is going to be a huge wake up calls to ensure we get back our pride and joy revitalizing Malaysia together as a nation who care for our country.

The experience of arriving into DOHA airport is a total different atmosphere. Everywhere is full of people and bustling with live. This is helping the situation in the pandemic because people just observe SOP and live their life to the fullest.

Upon arrival into Groningen, everything went smoothly. I believe they trust the individual with their own health. Even with Corona Virus, they are still living their life as usual and enjoy the time of being with the community. Each are responsible for their own safety and health. It is a good policy. Nobody can force you to take care of yourself if the depression is outcome of the regulation. They are happy people having very strong mindset of getting healthy. Except in compliance to the regulations, people here just have happiness healthy juice as their daily vitamin. Cycling around in the township with fresh air is enough to boost their energy and live in peace with the virus.

I hope that everyone I know will take responsibility of living to their best and live with the virus in harmony. One thing for sure - Corona Virus is staying. The question is, are you finishing your life or starting your life with this pandemic?

Self Respect.

 I was writing on two other topics and decided to abandon that when this pop up. Monkey mind does have it's advantage when you tame it towards a certain direction. Mine is starting to bloom in ways that I will call this as focus.

In my daily life, there are many expectation. In a recent movie, I am again put into a spot where women have to choose career or family. Family, meaning the full fledge wife and mother with no room for career. These women can work as long as they are home for their children until a day they all grown up and leave home. In some companies they do not encourage pregnancy. They have many ways of doing it because it is still legally right to place a women into cold storage when she cannot travel for business. Do you think in this era there should be more understanding towards the women caught in this kind of dilemma?

Now, hold your horses and don't bite me yet. I am just thinking what can women in this kind of situation do. I am not advocating that we go full storm into protest. It is indeed a 360 degree support that is needed. The family have to contribute towards taking care of the children if the mother are being benchmark for a career path that she wanted. The company, though it is not unreasonable do you think they can at least make some adjustment on traveling arrangements?

I am lucky because I put my life on hold when I had my daughter. I love every moment of it although it can be very difficult at times. I do have the flexibility and support from my family but as a mother, I am fully concentrated on making sure I have every moment with her. Well! 90% of the moment is good enough since life was tough and I need to make a living. I will call myself blessed because from the day that she is conceived, I am always happy. I talked and have discussions with her during the pregnancy that I build the habit of self talk. After she was born, I keep practicing it even though I have weird expression when I do it in public. I just carry on as usual because I do not owe anyone anything. I know she will understand and as she grows, these practices proofed to be effective in her her an explanation to things that is new to her. I am glad I did that because after 21 years, she proof to have listened to all the sharing all those time. So, who says baby do not understand anything. She should have her key at 21 but I have not lock the door since the day she was born. She have her own wisdom and make her own choice. I trust her decision and she do not need the key. Counting down to celebrate my daughter's birthday is the greatest gift ever.

I am not sure how many of you have the same experience whether as a mom or dad or even family members who practices what I did. I must say, the best suffering that is sweetest for me is having the time to see her grow into someone she wants to be.

I wishes all parents have the best of their children time when they are growing up. There are no same moment. You only have that one moment every time.

Therefore, please get back your self respect if you are not treated properly for being a mother or a father during your children growing up phase. You deserve the honor. Salute to all parents.

Decisions.

 This is needed every second of the day. From the time you wake up to the time you go to bed. Interestingly, it can also be frustrating as well as motivating.

What could be the reason for this? For me it is because there are too many choices I used to be extremely busy and every decision make based on the time I have to spend on each task or thoughts. When I took a career break and decided to embark on coaching, these decision making should be easier right? That’s what I thought too. But it is definitely untrue.

I always assigned time for my participants for coaching first before I decide on making other arrangements. However, this can sometime be difficult too. When a participant has some emergency, I am left with a void. Now what should I do? I used to just take another coffee break or start to snacking until the next session. Good decision? Not really. This is because the time I spend preparing myself for the coaching session is not fruitful at all. As a coach, I can only prepare myself mentally to face anything that comes from my participants. I must be 100% present without any other interruptions thoughts in order to effectively hold a successful session with my participant. I do not have a questionnaire ready because the agenda of coaching belongs to my participants too. Now, what you think I should do? I love to hear your opinion. On the other hand, I never push my participants on any timing that is not suitable for them. I need them to be ready for this special moment of discovering themselves. The outcome is always rewarding when they are in this environment during coaching. I am not sure how many of you have been in a coaching session that really give you a boost of energy that comes from within. I have experienced this as a coaching participant and I also have this result when I conduct coaching. To be honest not everyone is coachable. Sometimes, we just hit the wall due to reasons unknown to us but it again picks up momentum when I met them next. Therefore, to have a good coaching outcome I need to meet the participants prior to their first session. The biggest obstacles are when the participants cannot decide what they want from themselves. Make sense to you? It does make a lot of sense to me because I was there before I see it as a value which I need to make proactive decision.

If you want to improve your life, be prepare to face your own devil or devils. The journey will only be successful when you make this million-dollar decision worth your time and your coach’s time.

What makes me decide to put so much emphasis in encouraging a coaching culture? I used to live like no tomorrow but hitting no result. Nowadays, I can have so much freedom in life even with the little hiccup like decisions and appointments. Therefore, I know I am not perfect and I live each day with anticipation. Like one of my participants said “I will look forward to problems because it gives me motivation to look for solution”.

This video shared by @Jespuvan is really a good piece to listen to. https://youtu.be/c-4flnuxNV4

Hope you find what you are looking for. If not, keep looking. It is still waiting for you to explore.

What is Abundance?

 This is a question that some might ask. It is such a meaningful word that will only give purpose when it is fully understood. Therefore, what does abundance mean to you.

From my own point of view. It means that I have to be passionately reflecting on whatever is popping in my monkey mind. Not all learning flow in like a breeze, fresh and sweet. However, the spices of life is to appreciate the ability to see and listen to voices that are giving essence to growth. In fact, the worst scenario gives me the best lesson in life.

I learned to stop instance reaction at time of chaos. At time when people think they are giving you good advice which is truly appreciated. However, we all have our own life even though you might be in the same home or in the same environment. Learning to take proactive action of "Listen, evaluate and act."

It is not easy because most people think they know what is best for you. What makes me say this? Well! I was the same before I embark on the coaching journey. I think that if I do all that I think good and teach the other person what is meaning of life, I will have save them. Oh ! I was so arrogant right?

To help people to grow, I must be a good coach. The purpose of enlightenment is to realise that I am human. I am able to coach people in a way that they also realised that they are human with richness in thoughts and feeling. That they have their own thoughts and they have their own values. In expressing these, they do not need to combat with what is right or wrong. They just need to understand that there are no two persons that is a perfect fit. Even identical twins have different characteristic.

So,who you want to be? When the word abundance is thrown around in conversation,I like you to ask 3 second soul questions. Just find the answer whether it is as verb or a noun to you.

My abundance is simple but not easy. In my abundance, I appreciate the value of others while learning to see the goodness in all actions. I extract what is reasonable and doable in any circumstances. Added to this is the processing of slicing my ego.Is that all? No, there are more because abundance is a journey for me. I will share as I write in my article.

I wish everyone find the answer to their abundance. Find your true North and be the best in being you.

Growing is easy

 Have you ever wonder how you become who you are now? But...... you might not dare to grow further? You want success but you don't want success. Who understand this?

I used to think that this kind of issues should only come from a nincompoop. Well! you are looking at one reformed nincompoop now. I was chasing success and comply to all the needs to be the best in my industry. Sacrifice everything to have this little glimpse of hope. When the opportunities came, I froze. I go into self doubts. I become scare of success. Funny right. But that is how exactly it is. The fear of being very successful is so unreal and I kept telling myself, I can do it. But something is still missing all the time. The heart of this success is missing.

In my chase for recognition , I forgot who I am. I forgot about the purpose of having a life that I love to live. I even forgot, what makes me work non stop chasing after perfection.

Then the discovery begin about 10 years ago. The time , I was lost and searching for answers. A dear friend introduced me to a meditation session and that's when the answers began to surface. When I started the course, I was very scare. I was thinking what if this and what if that. In some way, I was grateful that I did not see what I wanted to see - my inner self. How many of you have this kind of experience? You are so excited that you might find a goal mine inside you but you are having more doubts and fear.

Fast forward, I did what I need to do. Never stop learning and always find out which method is good for me. If you have read the articles I have written, you will understand where I am coming from. My English is so-so, my grammar - what's that but my heart is in the content. That's what I want to bring to you. The heart of everything. Being a coach really make me see things so clearly and I am in control of my life.

Like writing articles and blogs, I always feel that I am not good enough. Even now I still feel that way. This is because I am a human. But the beauty part of it is , I no longer let it be the obstacles towards doing things I love like sharing some photos or video with some contents in #cloudstory and writing articles. People will comments no matter how good you are. Just move out of the persona and be yourself. If you want to do anything, go ahead and give it a go. Life is waiting for you.

Tame your monkey mind and you will be the boss of your life. I am. Hope to see you becoming one. Dare to GROW!