Reflections of your life.

Reflections of your life !

In this case, I am doing this reflections so that you can start your engine into doing yours.

How often do you do this? I came across this method of clearing my days about a few years ago. Why I do not remember when? This is what happened, I clear off my mind from needing to put a date for change. I just reflect on every situation after it happened. This way, things are easier to managed and painful experience become a learning.

Being human do not give me an excuse to forgive myself whenever I took any comments negatively. Our subconscious mind has a super powerful tool assisted by the monkey mind. I have been living in this for so long that some of them I took it in as a habit. The not so good examples as below:-

1. “What they think of me when I do this and not that?

2. “The situation is all their fault(s)”

3. “If I have ……...”

Do you agree with me that these are all in the past? Whether it is good or bad, it is done with and should be deal immediately before it become a sickness.

Actually, changing one habit at a time is pretty easy. I started with giving myself a chance to debate the situation and what solutions is possible. Remember, each decision must be supported with and action and the consequences of it.

After this, I move on to change my daily habits. The moment I open my eyes, I say my gratitude loudly that I work up healthy and the world have healthier people too. I decided there and then that my day is going to fill with possibility. Possibility can come in any form. Bad or good, I will turn it into a solution. This somehow turn my sight towards a lot of beauty no matter how bad the situation is until one time I was called as ignorant. Ouch!! That hurts but instead of responding, I have this sense of regret that it is such a pity some people still live in pain and forgot that life is full of beauty. At that same moment, I was also thinking “ If I am like him then there are no changes at all in habits.” . This thought immediately make me bounce back to my purpose in life. That to live in abundance, I help people to offload their garbage and still stay clean. This is also what cause me to love coaching so passionately. Address everything individual and do not carry other people’s monkey. Am I good at this? I can definitely say yes if the participants/coachee are as committed to their life as I am to mine. Coaching does not need much. It just needs one clarity that you want to find out how to better yourself. Simple right? No, it is very difficult even for me when I started. But as the journey goes on each steps become lighter and each action become value.

Lastly, what trigger me to write this today after a long spell of silent?

1. I thought that my English grammar is not fluent enough to capture attention of my writing. I learned all my English from reading and conversing. I do not come from any school that is conducted in English. I write the way I think. There were comments or even no comments but silent support. But what the heck, most people understand and send me messages to continue. It is the one that understand the situation matters. Thank you for being here for me. You matter.

2. Chinese New Year is the biggest and most important festival for me. I took time off to be myself enjoying the time with the cultural practices and in some way, I took a lazy leave off for myself.

3. Law of attraction is very strong. I used all my concentration to ensure that my trip is successful with smooth processes in helping my mother to collect her medication. As I was driving to @Hospital Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (HUKM) where parking is impossible since I was running late, I imagine a carpark (next to the main one) is empty and visualized my car is the only one. It works, the car park was empty. Cool right? Wrong, my visualization missed out one point. That the car park is still open. It was empty because they have closed that car park. This makes me realize how much I can do when I concentrate and sincerely feel that moment.

4. My past – another incident after this HUKM visit. After I parked my car, I noticed that the car next to me is way too near me and there is one guy inside the car. So, I tapped on his car and asked whether it is possible for him to get out from his car. Pity that he opens up the car and rudely ask “ Do you think I can do out?”. I apologize and immediately remove my car and found another space immediately. The fire of anger nearly spoils my day but I decided to change it into compassion. I feel pity that some people do not know how to be polite. This is also why bully happened. Too much pain in one’s mind. I just smile and happy that I am not him. Then I send him a virtual blessing that he will have good moments after that.

Does this mean that I am fully saint? It will be a joke of the century if I am one. I still have to keep learning how to make each situation acceptable so that the energy for solutions become clearer.

I do not strive on perfection because I learn from every imperfection that I have. Without seeing the black, white does not matter.

How do you deal with your reflections? Does it always give you something ? If yes, what is the something that you are looking for?

Till my next article, stay with yourself no matter how life treats you. How you treat yourself is the only solutions that matters.

#Cloudstory my every day inspiration. I am amazed on how different they can be even in just few colors within second apart. Then I learned from them that the colors are how I decide to look at them at that moment. You want to give it a try? It is indeed enlightening.

What is your success?

 

I have been attending so many courses that I thought I know everything. The best part of this is, I really do not know what I thought I know. Do I consider myself successful? What is your thought on this?

 

I certainly discover that in life, there are many ways to a solution. I have written an article about my friend’s fear of attending a dinner with me. I repented and the surprising part of it is he see the values of my unintentional response. Do I expect this? No. But I have been using coaching methods on many occasions and this jab just came spontaneously. Hey! I am only human. Anyway, the good news is that he did join us for the dinner and was pretty happy too. In fact, he was so relaxing  in that environment.  In these circumstances, I consider myself failed in addressing the spur of the moment response which might be rude or hurtful. On the other hand, my friend gain insight of life in pandemic is living the fear out. Or should I said he decided to leave the fear out when he already practicing all the needed SOP. The bonus of this outcome is we had a wonderful dinner out.

 

Ever since the coaching started, I am fully concentrated on creating this coaching culture. In many of my conversation, the methods of addressing an issue have been diverted to coaching methods. On certain occasions I can see the fear leaping from the cornea of their eyes. It is really scary but I know it makes them think very hard on what just happened. I can see them fidgeting with themselves – unconsciously. Others will be having anger thrown at me. All of this, I take it as a reward. What makes me say this? It means that I am hitting a cord. A cord they do not want to strum.

 

Now, take a moment and think. If you have someone who push you to be yourself, what will your response be? Some people will think that I am nuts to care so much with what they do because it is their life that they are playing with. As for me, I will pursue this because everyone has a network of people. The more they ignore their issues the more toxic their life will be. I am more concerned of the chain reaction by the said person. Each one can be of some values to others and that is what I am doing passionately when I coach. We need our environment to be peaceful and harmony. Only when this happen, the world will be a better place for the next generation and so on.

 

I also have my own selfish reason for doing this. I have a lovely daughter who turn 21 this year. I hope to see that she lives in an environment of challenges where coaching culture is the solution. I know that this is the best method for anyone to create a life building their passion. They will be able to explore with clarity and accept failure bravely. Simple request from a mother and a small act from me. I am passionate on coaching because I keep improving myself. By getting these values, I know I can help more people to achieve things that is beyond their reach. One very important ingredient is to find the one who really committed to themselves.

 

Are you one of those who knows your success factor(s) and are riding the storm to get it?

If not, there is always solutions when you see a problem. This is what my clients inform me. After his second coaching session with me, he told me that he loves problems. What makes him say this? He said that he knows that he will be able to get solution(s). It is such a wonderful feeling to see the wisdom shine through.

 

You too can have these. When you are ready , look for me or a coach who can walk with you on your journey through coaching conversation.

Action or reaction?

 

Action or reaction?

 I was pondering on what can I write about today. I did not continue to write because I was busy with personal activities that needs constant traveling. An excuse which does not make sense but with so much floating in my mind, I guess it is time to pen it down.

 

The topic today is Action or reaction. I find this interesting because there are so many ways to see this. In the dictionary.com there are so many explanations which intrigue me. Now, this is one I like most because it relates to what I want to share today.

 

Action is an act that one consciously wills and that may be characterized by physical or mention activities.

Reaction is a reverse movement or tendency: an action in a reverse direction or manner.

 

Based on this, it means that one is using the thought thinking process while the other is a spontaneous act. Which is more useful when you are making a big decision? Some will say Action while others might choose Reaction. Is that all? No, there will be more people with different outlook of these two words. This is also some of the reasons dictionary gives you a few explanations.

 

I will see it from my point of view and what I have done to arrive at whatever decisions I made.

 

Action story, I was walking with a friend and invited him for a dinner. Being me, I am a diehard of uncertainty and challenges. I will go to the deep end search of solutions. Did I get them? Not always but there are always new lessons from every search.  So, this dinner is done with strict SOP as per requirements because I have my DOM (Dear Ole Mom) with me and I am an obedient citizen too. The point of this is that he immediately goes into FOD (Fear of Dying) and FTL(Forgot to live) which irritate me. Remember, I am a human so I have reacted spontaneously by saying if you fear so much then don’t join us – this is reaction.  Cruel right? I think so too and now I am repenting even though he deserves it. It is not about him or others, it is all about me. How I react is very important and constant coaching needs to be address because of one very important entity – WE ARE HUMAN. This is also the beautiful part – that we can reach our highest potential when we act with clarity.

 

There is no right or wrong, I should be respectful of the fear and leave him to live it out since he is not coachable. I should accept the fact that not everyone is coachable unless they are ready. I have done many failed coaching just because on the passion to coach but the participants/clients are not serious about their life or they just want to test the coaching process. I have many successful coaching sessions too. When I compare the success factors, I realized that action and reaction play a major role in many of the issues faced by my participants. Some took action to be coach but not committed to themselves. Therefore, I will categorize them as reaction to coach because they think coaching can give them the miracle they wanted. They hope you can help them to reverse their life into a fairy tale without turbulence. It is painful to see this kind of thinking because coaches, most of them can see the potential of their clients clearly when the clients are transparent and honest. The successful one takes full responsibility of their decisions and take action. They will find ways to pave it towards their goal with coaching conversation. What coaches open up are the unspoken , unseen and unheard voices of the participants. It is an intimate conversation  relationship which creates the following situations .

1.      What happened just now?

2.      How come I did not see it?

3.      What can I do about it?

 

Opening the doors in the world of monkey mind is tough but always possible. Take action and do not rely on reaction to gain control of your act. The act to show the world , to show yourself that you can create values.

 

Look for a good coach and you will know what I mean.

 

For my profile, you can see me at www.3secsoulution.com

 

Wrong or right?

Life presents itself to us without expectation. Humans are the one that put layers after layers of philosophy to prove that they are right.

In the world of intellectuals, to be seen as uneducated is viewed as an embarrassment. If you are having this kind of thoughts then it is time to discard it. You will only be learning more when you are looking at something you do not know and clearly admit it. After a while, it becomes a habit I call learning.

Many disagreements arise from just this simple situation. What makes me say this? Well! If you have read my posting or articles, you would understand that I do not post things that I have not experienced before. I used to have such a big ego that to be right is the only way towards success. Gradually, I learned to accept that my right is just one very small segment of the whole situation. It is more of an ego boosting process which has no lasting effect or the hand me down education that I have - The boss is always right. Now that I have let go of this BS, I can see things clearer and learning is the key towards everything. And when I started coaching, I began to see clearly what are the issues behind many people's fears of success. YES, many people fear success no matter how much they wanted it. Weird right? But it is the truth. Fake it till you make it was a phrase many people used as a motivation. Some are really making it happen because they did not fake it, they really believe that they can do it. Are they wrong to use this method? If yes, who are you to tell a person what journey should be the right journey for him or her. Sometimes, you do not even know whether you are on the right path or not. At least, when you are on it you think you are right on tract but.... Just be aware that situation within your environment not necessary within your control. Then you can re-bounce back even when you lose control. You will only see it when it is being done and the result is out. It's like the Covid 19 PCR test, of late there are reports saying that it does not really give a clear answer as a person has contracted Covid 19 or it is just a normal flu. This tell you how much guess work is going on in our daily life even with proven scientific support. The co-relation between time and result will definitely give one something to ponder on.

Same thing goes for the Myejahtera apps questions which I find that it is really a very tough question to answer. Those symptoms given are so common within our life especially when our bones are cracking as we age. Therefore, are they wrong? Think about it when you update the status. I was having a huge problem answering them because of jet lag and some of the symptoms are due to other reasons.

Did any of you come across the two images that I shared? There was endless debate on who is right. But in the end, is there really an answer? Think how you apply this concept to your life. How can you decide whether you have fully embraced the life given to you in the highest capacity and glow every moment of the day?

Last but not least, I will like to encourage everyone to write an article. Just forget about perfection. Do it and you will see what I mean.

p/s You is just a phrase used to state a point and not an accusation to anyone

Are you thinking?

 I do not mean to be rude when I asked are you thinking. It is something that I do intensely since my holidays started. I used to be a very busy person and all of a sudden, I took 3 months off to be with my daughter.

I was never a homebody and from the time my girl was born, I was always juggling time to ensure that I have time reserve for my daughter. However, my job as a travel agent bring me out of town most of the time. She is left on her own and somehow that have trained her to be independent. This is good for me because even though I am away from her, I know that she will always be responsible for her own life.

Now I have so much time in hand that it does not matter whether it is sunrise or sunset. Most important thing is that every moment I am spending on enjoying the things I do. I started to cook for my daughter, clean up the place she rented and doing what mother can do in her ability. I am good at my career managing companies and coaching individual. This is really a new task for me. Luckily, I still have frequent coaching sessions that keep me occupied with plenty of things to work on. My salute to all full-time mothers and fathers, you really are incredible. I am only doing this motherly on part time and I am climbing the walls already.

Coaching on the other hand is very rewarding. In a trusted environment, both my participants and me shared many interesting sessions. At the end of each session, it always leaves me with a smile because they know what they want to achieve at their own pace. They are superb in handling their own tasks and spontaneously bounce back when faced with obstacles. Initially, they might apologize for not completing the tasks however they know what they should do therefore we no longer embark on any apologetic conversation. Is there a need to be right or wrong? In coaching, we just work together to ensure that the participants always aware of their choices and the consequences. They do not expect perfection but they strive for completion at their best.

Coaches are also human and, in our life, we also have many challenges. Without those challenges life will be pretty boring. Life should be like the heartbeat on the monitor during an exciting game. It should raise and fall according to sentiment and emotion. An effective coaching session involve all the feelings, intense listening and also commitment without judgement towards our participants. At the end, we should be able to arrive at a point where they achieve their ah-ah moment. Coaches do not provide answers. Good coaches make sure the participants are able to walk confidently on their platform of life after each session. People might be wondering then where will I get my next customer/participant? I never worry about this because in a world of 7.9 billion population, I only wish I can help more. Each one that I coach successfully will help me to launch another journey of help a new person in their life. It is not a business for me but a contribution to the society.

So, do you want to be the sunrise or the sunset or does it really matter? Keep thinking on what you like to build. No matter how much you love your children, they will need to have their own life and you have to start living a life you want. I am doing the same. reach out to the unknown and without expectation make life interesting.

One world, different clouds.

 Interesting on how people view things from different background of teaching. I said teaching because, most of us are taught to think. Of late, I began to realized that many people are thinking on the same line and feel that nothing new to learn from anymore. When one incident happened, the whole nation goes into chaos because another country is doing something about it. I think many will just follow because do not want to look stupid. Do you think it is right or wrong?

You could be wondering where I am going with this article after my inconsistent of posting. My sincere apology because I gave my lap top a holiday when I am on holiday. I just happened to borrow some time with my daughter's laptop and decided to write. Anyway, I was very curious about how I live my life before. This is an enlightening time for me as I just celebrated my daughter's 21st birthday. In other words, I can fully trust her to manage her life with wisdom because it is her to own. This nostalgia time brings back sweet and sour feeling. I have to revisit my past to enjoy the fruit of my struggle. Precious past.

One world, different clouds - my title for this is to recall that each step my daughter took is in some way similar to mine. We are similar in the beginning except the process is totally different for both of us. Her only advantage is that I am here if she needed anything. However, glad to know that she did not need anything from me. This is a very new feeling. To let go of a child which I have always protect under my wings. It took me some time to adjust that she has a life of her own. A life she designed very well without our family support. I am proud of her success that she managed to travel all the way from Malaysia to The Netherlands for the first time and still comfortably settled in a good environment suitable for her education.

Now, the mummy part of me is where I must adjust. When I arrived, I have to adjust to the time and also the busy schedule that she has which I cannot fit in. I am left with plenty of time to roam the city on my own. Taking the tour alone gives me a freshness of freedom. Freedom to do what I like. I just noticed that I forgot to be myself for a long time. I am still searching for my new hobbies since I have so much time to explore.

It is like cycling. I know how to cycle but when I am cycling in The Netherland, it all become a new experience again. I have to learn to use the leg brakes and cycle on the right. It is really tough and after doing it for a few days, I give up. I value my life more than challenging the cycling path. Walking is healthier and easier. But.... I will appreciate the time I go cycling when I am back home instead of taking that for granted.

Therefore, I am learning to live my life as my own again. Pretty exciting right? I have time to reflect on what I did that give me this life of abundance. A lot of sacrifice and painful journey. Some mistakes that cannot be undone while each taught me a lesson or two. Everything has a cause and effect. Is your life offering you any bonuses like mine?

If you are hitting the wall now, think about what will be the best outcome you can get once you overcome this barrier. The fruit is always sweeter.

Nevertheless, I am getting a lot of value by coaching people into their own journey with choices that they make with clarity. With the coaching conversation, there never seems to be any obstacles that stop us from having a good life. I wish more people wake up to the fact that life is always in our own control. We will only know the result maybe in years to come or maybe never but at the time of decisions, everything is always very clear.

Keep Shining

 I have never taken a holiday, the holiday where I do what I want and go where I want to go. I started with one long holidays for 3 months beginning of November 2021. Pandemic taught me a few lessons and some I am still learning. This is the first time I took 3 months off doing nothing except occasional coaching session. To me, coaching people towards success is not a job or a career but a mission to create a coaching culture in my community. As a coach, my promise to myself is to see that my clients face their problems with eagerness because they know they have the solutions.

First and foremost, it taught me to appreciate the nature. I have not reached a stage where I am doing great things but I learned to view things as it come. Things are always beyond expectation when I do not expect anything at all. Isn’t this great.

Secondly, I reflect on the things said and done every time I feel that I could have done it in another way. Better? Not necessarily but it really gives me a different kind of feeling when I dig in further. Nothing is really bad or good but it is how we learn from these that makes us realize what life can be. By doing this, I am always in the good hands of myself. I let go of many unpleasant feelings as fast as it come. I cannot change people, which I should not be doing. I am only getting better of myself every second of the day.

Thirdly, I learn to let go. By doing this, I do not need to be in control of anything. Wanting to control anything have always put me in the place of dissatisfaction. This is very harmful in a long run but many did not realize this. They think that when they are in control they will become powerful. It could be true but how many really stay in control before the truth comes back to haunt you down. I have lived a life of being in control, thinking that I can help them by lining up the route for them. This is my biggest mistake of all. Luckily, I recovered this now. Maybe it is late discovery but I guess it is better now than never.

There are more towards living a life of abundance but it will only pop up when the time is right. I am 55 years old now and to have these pop ups, I have to work harder. I have to coach and be coach on specific topics to make my realization earlier.

My only hope is that everyone finds their sunshine and shine no matter what happen. Miracles happen in the worst of time. Do not wait for the moment to act. Create the moment. Place value in time to discover your inner self and you will have abundance.